Saturday, April 29, 2006

06/28/06 vs.Atlanta

Hi fans! well tonight was an inspiring victory for the club, for anyone watching. I wasn't really watching tonight, I was in the club house, checking out the Atlanta clubhouse whirlpool with a few honeys I met at GR last night and I kind of lost track of time. The clubhouse is an important part of the ballplayer's day to day life. You see fans, before the game, while Manny Acta takes care of most of the game strategizing, me, Victor, and Willy work on our blogs together in the club house. I don't know exactly what the rest of the guys do during this time, but I think some of them go out and take BP and stuff like that. I know for the past week, Carlos Beltran just sits in his traveling tennis ball machine and stares. Anyhow, this daily session gives me a little time to give Willy my input before the game, you know, suggest some stuff he can try with the bullpen, and what might be good pinch hitting matchups. I think I'd make a good manager too, some day when my playing days are over. However, I think at least in my first manager position, it'd be hard to score quite the same amount of cheese as I did signing here (thanks again, Omar!).

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

4/25/06 vs San Francisco

Hey fans, here in San Francisco, the whole Barry Bonds thing got me thinking. I thought, "hey Jose, maybe you can enhance your performance."So before the game, I rubbed a clear substance all over my ass and drank a quart of flaxseed oil. Well no results yet fans. I'm now batting at sweet .095 and according to my hitting chart, have only managed to get two fly balls into the outfield at Shea. But the Giant's trainer says it takes time for the stuff to work and that's OK, 'cause I got a guaranteed contract, a nightly pinch-hitting gig, and plenty of time. Thanks Willy and Omar! A lot of you ladies have asked me for more pictures so I will be posting a few from my collection in the future. I'd get some ones of me in Mets gear, but the team photographer keeps avoiding me for some reason. Well, got to go do some grooming, till we meet again check out this crazy Korean cartoon. Can you find me? Later, Metsfans.

Monday, April 24, 2006

04/22/06 vs. San Diego

Hey fans, tonight I got my average up to .111, same as Pedro's!! Then their 2nd baseman or some shit throws the ball away and I had to run to second base. No problem, you say? Well since I wasn't planning any baserunning, and I'm still not wearing any underwear for good luck, it was a pretty painful situation. Don't worry fans, now I am applying a soothing balm.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

4/21/06 vs.San Diego

Ok, so for tonight's game, I tried something new. No underwear, man. Julio Franco suggested I give it a try, 'cause it worked for him once in Cleveland in '83.

Answering Willy's nightly call, I still struck out for the pitcher in the 10th inning. But man, I'm glad I sent those guys in the San Diego television booth up some gift certificates to Ground Round when we got into town. Tonight they said on-air that when I bat from the left side, "this is where he really scares you." They really sounded sincere. Then they started talking about video games or some shit.

Friday, April 21, 2006

4/20/06 vs. San Diego

Well, you probably heard by now, Willy's faith in me finally paid off and I collected a base hit tonight in the ninth inning, raising my average to .063. The guys let me keep the ball. And we're going to Ground Round tonight to celebrate. Pretty sweet. I hope they still have those baseball helmet icecream sundaes, cause I plan to pig out tonight.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

4/19/06 vs Atlanta

Today's 0 fer 3 got me thinking. I think I'm gonna try reversing my hands on the bat. Like put my top hand on bottom and shit.

I'm glad Willy still has confidence in me. I saw a sweet little cigar boat that I want to look into buying. And I do the little things that don't show up in the boxscore, besides never ever getting a hit. Today I helped Ramon Castro carry his gigantic mask from the club house. Gosh he has a big head, I wonder if the drag slowed him down on that play at the plate.

Monday, April 17, 2006

04/17/06 vs. Atlanta

Boy I sucked today. 0 fer 2. I barely put up a fight. Luckily we still won the game. Cashed my first paycheck though.

4/16/06 vs. Milwaukee

wow today i really blew. That guy Sheets was pretty good. I tried closing my eyes and swinging. Still nothing.
But Willy keeps going to me off the bench. It figures though, some of the guys say that he has no clue what he's doing in the dugout. I mean, you can't blame the guy, since the major part of his apprenticeship was watching Joe Torre just sit there and decompose.

Welcome Metsfans

Hello, my name is Jose Valentin and this is my blog. I am currently playing for the New York Mets. General Manager Omar Minaya saw that I was available, coming off an injury, did nothing for the Dodgers last year, had a lifetime batting average of .241, and am in obvious steady decline. He liked what he saw. And the team at the time had no Valentins to speak of. Also, I had pictures of him in compromising positions with a cocktail waitress in Miami. So here I am.

I saw the Mets' other thirdbaseman has his own blog, giving the fans insight into what it's like to be an up-and-coming star, and I thought, "why not give the fans a taste of the utter failure it is to be Jose Valentin right now?"

This season has not gone so well for me so far. I don't understand how I made this team, or why I was given a guaranteed contract for $912, 500. I can't seem to hit the little white baseball at all. But it's alright, I still get paid. And I have some free time to blog and share my experiences with you, the fan. Enjoy!