Wednesday, May 10, 2006

05/09/06 vs. Philadelphia

Hey fans, Sorry no posts lately, but I've been real busy making intangible contributions to Willie Randolph's Mets.

For example, the other day, Jose Lima wanted me to help him with his hair colloring, so being pretty handy with facial hair and the like, I helped out. He showed me a picture of what he wanted and I helped him get that "clown" look just in time for the game. Then I helped the clubhouse attendant clean out a old stash of pornographic material he found, mostly of young male models. We don't know whose they were but they were all marked with the initials "MP."

But enough good news. I struck out today (in honor of Pedro in the 8th) mostly because I was still thinking of LoDuca's misplay versus the Atlanta club. I know I shouldn't be so steamed, but we practiced that play over and over again. The play calls for the catcher to spike the ball, and then, pay attention here, KICK it through the uprights. Lo Duca apparently forgot to finish the play off with the flourish. I mean, if we practiced this once we did it a thousand times. I worked hard designing that play, and Lo Duca really messed it up, but we'll give him the benefit of the doubt because it was his first try. And we'll keep practicing, even though we lost our "uprights" when Victor ran off the field the other day.

But maybe Paul's got other things on his mind; it does get lonely out here and on the road. Not for me, of course, but the other guys get lonely. Lo Duca said the ump told Lima, "I'm going to give you a couple inches off the plate, but I'm not going to give you 4 or 5 inches because you're not John Smoltz." That, Lo Duca said, "I got a little problem with."Lima said that "makes me look like I'm a rookie up there." Now to me, that's way too much information--if you fellas want to meet in the hot tub after the game for a rub down, that's fine by me (I'm usually only in there during the games), as long as you clean the filter when you're done with it. Jose is familiar with the swinging lifestyle, but after all, this is a family game.

With all the roster moves coming, I asked Willy if I would be getting more playing time and he said not to worry, he just needs me for that one at-bat a day. You know, Willy's a show me kind of guy. And he likes what he sees.


At 7:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i think you are just jealous. just cuz john smoltz gets around it doesnt mean that lima should too. maybe smoltz can take that extra 4 or 5 inches and lima cant. so stop speculating and find out yourself.

At 1:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lima doesn't get around cuz he got sued for giving some chick genital warts. You think the umps don't know these kinds of things??

At 5:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Jose -- what do you think about Glavine's batting average being higher than yours?

At 8:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

, by over 400 points

At 5:51 AM, Anonymous Miguel Cairo said...

Hey JV,

What the hell you doing swinging a plunger in the dugout?

Apart from that, keep up the fine work - you're filling my old roster role of 'automatic out' to perfection.

Here's a tip to endear you to the fans though - take a Yankee bag instead of a Mets bag into the clubhouse. Works like a charm.

At 6:23 AM, Blogger Nick said...

Hey Jose,

What was going on with you in the on-deck circle during last night's game?

On the strength of the 'stache, please explain to your loyal readers why you weren't behind home plate telling Kaz whether to slide or not on that sac fly?


At 6:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow you have 4 RBI tonight. what the hell?

At 12:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The 4 RBIs came from the power of the mustache!

At 12:06 AM, Blogger peeder said...

What did you eat in Milwaukee? Do they have an advanced Ground Round prototype hidden there in a dark alley?

At 7:44 AM, Anonymous Big "Fan" said...

Well, Jose, like Willy I "like what I see." I think it's really sexy how you don't show-up the other players like some of the obnoxious hot-dogs like Pedro. Is it really necessary for him to always be standing right in the middle of everyone like that? He can't "pitch" the ball from a more modest spot on the field? No. I like the way you play, just showing up between bouts in the hot tub where you're polishing off you GR leftovers. Uhhhmmm...cold fries and stale popcorn. I think I could dig an "understated" and "mature" "player" like "yourself." Could I meet you in the hot tub during your "next" game, "if" you know what "I" mean? Give me a shout-out in you next blog "entry."


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