06/30/06 vs. Yankees

Fans, it's me Jose, and I have some very troubling news to report. I was in the tunnel during the rain delay (and I don't mean Steve Traschel, I mean the real rain delay), bending over to get a drink of water from the cooler when Derek Jeter propositioned me. It started out innocently when he wolf-whistled at me, and asked whether I wanted to come to a BBQ for July 4th weekend with him, Johnny and Alex. Now I had seen the two Yankee buddies in their video on the internet, but I was still taken aback. It was the middle of a major league game after all. And workplace sexual harrassment is strictly forbidden by MLB regulations, unless your name is Keith Hernandez.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, I said, but I thought you went out with Mariah Carey. Well, it's kinda complicated, said the rangeless Yankees shortstop, she's kind of, well, she's a transgendered man-woman. I had to explain to him that while I respected his position, although Jose is something of a swinger, there are no men in my hot tub, if you know what I'm saying. Besides, if I were that kind of guy, I told him, I'm more of an A-Rod fan anyway--at least that mercenary is a decent shortstop--before that whole slappy incident at least. Or maybe a nice steroidal hunk like Jason Giambi, who is somehow allowed to continue to play although he is clearly violating the league drug policy. Now the overrated captain didn't take this so well, his eyes got watery and his face got all red and puffy. Then he dissapeared into the dark, dank, overrated Yankee Stadium caverns. I was so shaken and bothered, it was as though I had to sit through an Al Leiter YES broadcast. I had Endy fix me a stiff drink and I locked the clubhouse door to hot tub alone.

Well that's it for now fans, talk to you soon.
Jose