7/07/06--7/08/06 vs. Florida: AM I NOT THE MAN?

Hello fans. Willie gave me most of the night off Friday as I was feeling the effects of some sketchy ranch dressing at GR the night before when during some "Josetime," I treated myself to some delicious jalapeno poppers. With a little time to wander the clubhouse and make myself useful, I thought I'd tidy up my locker a bit. I noticed that the notebook I use to keep track of my at-bats and study the opposing pitchers looked strange--darned if the cover didn't say "C. Delgado"! Gosh, I think I've been using that one for a few months now, I wonder where mine went? I guess it'll turn up. Anyways, during the 5th inning, I also helped pack Jose Lima's bags--gosh he has a lot of colorful suits!

After the game, I was feeling out of sorts. Though with enough at-bats, I am on a pace for 100 RBI season, and am maintaining the highest slugging percentage of my career, I was snubbed for the All-Star game, so I have to admit watching a certain 3rd baseman decide which pink shirt he was going to wear to the All-Star dinner (not at GR by the way), I was starting to feel a little down. But I pulled myself together, started filling the hot tub, and got down to the night's grooming. A doubleheader and 7 RBI's later, I am feeling much better.

Many a time, fans of the MLB will discuss prospects or stars, saying they have "5 tools." So it is not surprising that fans often ask me, Jose, just how many tools do you have? Well fans, I like to be modest, but I am an honest man if nothing else. I would say I posess at least 13 tools:

blazing speed
enormous lumber
lady magnetism
tantric sexual ability
remembers ladies birthdays
always on time
notably white teeth
catlike reflexes
on-field flexibility
manicured manliness
eshews fastfood
olefactory prowess
never sleepy

I'm sure you fans have noticed a few others, but that's it for now. See you soon!