Saturday, July 08, 2006

7/07/06--7/08/06 vs. Florida: AM I NOT THE MAN?

Hello fans. Willie gave me most of the night off Friday as I was feeling the effects of some sketchy ranch dressing at GR the night before when during some "Josetime," I treated myself to some delicious jalapeno poppers. With a little time to wander the clubhouse and make myself useful, I thought I'd tidy up my locker a bit. I noticed that the notebook I use to keep track of my at-bats and study the opposing pitchers looked strange--darned if the cover didn't say "C. Delgado"! Gosh, I think I've been using that one for a few months now, I wonder where mine went? I guess it'll turn up. Anyways, during the 5th inning, I also helped pack Jose Lima's bags--gosh he has a lot of colorful suits!

After the game, I was feeling out of sorts. Though with enough at-bats, I am on a pace for 100 RBI season, and am maintaining the highest slugging percentage of my career, I was snubbed for the All-Star game, so I have to admit watching a certain 3rd baseman decide which pink shirt he was going to wear to the All-Star dinner (not at GR by the way), I was starting to feel a little down. But I pulled myself together, started filling the hot tub, and got down to the night's grooming. A doubleheader and 7 RBI's later, I am feeling much better.

Many a time, fans of the MLB will discuss prospects or stars, saying they have "5 tools." So it is not surprising that fans often ask me, Jose, just how many tools do you have? Well fans, I like to be modest, but I am an honest man if nothing else. I would say I posess at least 13 tools:

blazing speed
enormous lumber
lady magnetism
tantric sexual ability
remembers ladies birthdays
always on time
notably white teeth
catlike reflexes
on-field flexibility
manicured manliness
eshews fastfood
olefactory prowess
never sleepy

I'm sure you fans have noticed a few others, but that's it for now. See you soon!

10 Comments:

At 6:51 AM, Blogger Jordan Brickman said...

big chin?

 
At 7:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The magical mustache!

 
At 9:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

All I can say, Jose, is be very careful WHOM you go offering moustache rides to...

^_^

 
At 1:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

woo great play at the plate yesterday!!!

 
At 9:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thats cuz I gizzed in yur Ranch Dressing, Joser.

 
At 3:11 PM, Anonymous lister said...

you just won the 10 inning game for us against the cubbies.

you are the fucking MAN, man.

 
At 12:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I heard that you were supposed to pick up Duaner Sanchez on Sunday but you got "tied" up with the ladies and left him to take a cab. Do you feel bad about the pain he's gone through because of this?

 
At 8:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeaaaah, 2 homers teams clinched, yeaaaah.

We Love You JOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
At 11:23 AM, Anonymous Coop said...

Jose, WTF? Are you too important to update their blog more than once every blue moon? We want to congratulate you man, but come on!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

Hell yeah bitches!!

Mets are NL East Champs!!!

 
At 4:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jose, Jose,

Please leave us something. We know that you've been very busy with the ladies, but comeon, it's been a very very long time.

 

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