Friday, March 16, 2007

Injury Update


picture borrowed from my homegirl, Metsgrrl.com


Hi fans,
It's me, (ouch) Jose. You may have heard that I am having some problems with my neck due to a sleeping injury. I am here to let you know that this is not true. Moreover, while my cataracts are acting up lately, there is no truth to the rumor that I have an arthritic neck; I mean, how could a professional athelete have arthritis, that's an old person's affliction!

Fans I hope you will forgive me this cover story, for I had to think fast when questioned, or the awful truth might come out. Seeing as I am already ashamed that my snake, "Lulu" got loose the other day in the pressbox, I felt that additional media pressure would be unbearable. Here's the real story you won't find anywhere else.

The truth is, ever since the Wilpons banned cock fighting in the Port St. Lucie clubhouse, we players have had to find other things to pass the time. So, I was leg wrestling with Wil Cordero, when he pulled a move that was banned many years ago in my country. I had no defense. Fans, he finished me off with the Escroto en Garganta "Balls on Throat" maneuver, a move so dangerous that it is banned by every major international leg-wresting federation, except the Midget-Cow Wrestling Association headquartered in Sao Paolo. Fans, I am lucky to be alive, much less hit .250 this season and play respectable defense.

Now, I am not saying that Wil Cordero is a dirty leg wrestler, but my neck has been a source of pain ever since. Illegal move or no illegal move, I have since forgiven Wil, since he threatened to kill me and urinate on my family, but I thought you fans should know the truth.

Talk to you soon!

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4 Comments:

At 6:27 PM, Anonymous Clarisetta and Bobbi Jo said...

Jose, baby, the Ground Round just hasn't been the same without you. We are keeping the hot tub nice and...um, hot for you and bubbly too. See you in July when you visit milwaukee - we really miss your "bratwurst" or maybe a spicy chorizo is better...

 
At 6:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ladies, if my neck allows me to, I will be sure to look you up in July.
As you know from our previous meetings, my neck is very important part of keeping you two happy at the same time.
Jose

 
At 6:23 AM, Blogger Sassdawg. said...

Escroto en Garganta, Priceless, I didn't even know that Wil Cordero was still in Baseball

 
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